There’s so much to tell, I’m not sure where to start. Taking stock is never an easy task. There have been heartaches that I have been hesitant to dredge up, but there have been vastly more triumphs than troubles.

Immediately after we moved to our new property back in 2014, my ex-husband began having severe health issues related to his alcoholism, including malnutrition and alcoholic neuropathy. We had planned for Katie to move with us so she could begin classes in preparation for nursing school, but she put her education on hold in order to move in eith snd take care of him.

Although he recovered from the malnutrition under Katie’s care, the neuropathy he developed made him disabled. Eventually Katie was able to begin her college classes while working full time as the sole support for herself and her dad. When he finally got SSI disability, she encouraged him to get his own place. He had begun to date a high school classmate, and it seemed he had gained some control over his demon.

In late November, 2017, his girlfriend called Katie to the home he had rented. He had passed away overnight while sleeping in his chair, apparently peacefully, although there were several vodka bottles beside it. The autopsy confirmed that he was drunk when he passed, but (thankfully) he did not die from alcohol poisoning. All indications were that he had had a blood clot which would have been quick and painless.

The effect on the kids due to losing their father, first their image of him due to the alcohol, and then with his passing, is impossible for me to fathom. I know there are scars which will never fully heal, and I wish it didn’t have to be so. There are so many milestones he should be here for, and there will always be an emptiness for them that can never be filled.

So much is best left unsaid about the things he said and did. In the early days leading to the divorce, I didn’t want to say anything negative to my kids about their father. I’m also an old fashioned Southern girl who believes you shouldn’t hang your dirty laundry out in the front yard (so to speak). Going back over old posts, I see that I never wrote many details, but now I have edited out nearly all that I did say. It’s one of the ways I know that my scars are beginning to fade, that I can go back, pull out the old memories, examine the hurt and find it’s not quite so raw any more. I pray for a time when my daughter can do the same.

Both of my children are grown and are on their own. Cody has a lovely wife and has given me one granddaughter and another on the way. He is a partner in a family business with several of my cousins. He has a farm, and he and his wife recently finished the complete restoration of their 130+ year-old house. Katie completed nursing school in 2020 and works on an oncology/med-surg floor at a local hospital and is often the charge nurse on her shift. She bought her first house, completely on her own, and has decorated it so beautifully that I swear it should be in a magazine. I am so proud of both of them. They have both overcome challenges that not many young people their ages have had to face. God is faithful and good, and I can’t wait to see the future he has for them.

I am now married to the wonderful, amazing man God sent into my life. Every day, I get to experience the physical manifestation of my answered prayer for peace and happiness. Although he worked overseas in high threat protection for many of the years we’ve been together, he has been home for good since 2018. Every day together is a gift from God.

We opened a store in early 2019 selling fresh produce, seasonal plants, garden supplies, and Amish products including meats and cheeses. We were graciously received in and supported by the community. We weathered the pandemic well, as we were able to stay open throughout. However, the toll of long 10-12 hour days, 6-7 days a week led us to the decision to close permanently in late 2021. We miss the friends and connections we made. However, not having that responsibility has relieved a great burden for both of us, especially for me, as I kept working my full-time job.

Now, I still have my career in research, and he has his own business, SouthEast LandWorx, doing land clearing, forestry mulching, and more. I need to post a few videos of the land mulching – it’s mesmerizing to watch the mulcher devouring brush and limbs and small trees in its path, plus the difference it makes in the appearance of a property is simply amazing.

I’ve decided that I’m not even going to try to make my life look perfect here (OK, one exception – I’m keeping the picture from 2017 that I used on the About Me page). The picture featured here shows me as I really am right now – WAY overweight, but the bonus is that Katie and Cody are pictured too.

If you read through the This Crazy Life posts, you’ll see I’ve been battling weight issues along with a stubbornly sluggish thyroid for years, since 1998 to be exact. Add to that the stress of owning a business, leading to eating out all the time, and incessantly sampling the Amish candy we carried in the store (I had to make sure it was good for the customers, right?) along with no time for exercise, and this is the result. I had lost down to my goal weight in 2016-2017, and I kept the weight off until late summer 2018 when my thyroid tanked. 40 lbs went on fast, like in 3-4 months. The rest is all on me. Like, literally – I see it every morning in the mirror. But with God’s grace, I’ll continue eating right and moving more. The scale is starting to show small victories, and I’m working every day to fight back down to my goal weight. Don’t expect to see any more pictures of me until then LOL!

While we had the store and were working 10-12 hours a day, most of the time 7 days a week, we postponed a lot of work around the house – ok, most of the work around the house – until we had time to catch up. We closed the business over a year ago and we’re still trying to catch up. I call it the “train wreck hit by a tornado” look, and no one needs to see it (please God). I’m hoping to have the house “company ready” by summertime, God willing and if the creek don’t rise.

It’s so great to say “we” and not just “I.” We’re a team, and he helps me with everything, even if it’s chores he hates to do, because he knows I probably hate doing them too. He even helps without me asking!

I began painting in 2017, but I found my passion in colored pencils. My husband encourages me to pursue all the interests that make me happy, and he’s my most trustworthy critic and steadfast encourager. Be on the lookout for pages featuring my art and photography in the near future.

Thank you for sticking with me. I’m excited to venture into new, green pastures.

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father’s house,

Cindy <><